Well I can’t believe I’m saying this, but – thank God for the Space Force.
On “60 Minutes,” Navy pilots acknowledged the presence of UFOs. Then the Murder Hornets said, “Seriously?? Fine – NEXT summer! We’ll see you all NEXT summer!”
When they saw it, Americans demanded more information on extraterrestrials – then kept not learning the name of their next door neighbor.
It’s going to be a little weird when an alien arrives in the U.S. and says, “Take me to your…uh, vice-leader.”
Actually, President Biden didn’t waste any time after hearing the report, and began laying a trail of Reese’s Pieces to Guantanamo Bay. “If this doesn’t work, I’ll have LeBron beat ‘em at basketball!”
Florida Senator Marco Rubio was interviewed and said he was concerned about UFOs. While the aliens said they’re concerned about accidentally landing in Florida.
Marco Rubio said he is determined to get to the truth. Then Ted Cruz yelled, “The jig is up!!” and ran into a cornfield.
The Navy pilots were very candid with their stories during the interview – which explains why today, they opened their door to a bunch of guys dressed like this:
Pilots described a wingless cylinder flying erratically into the Northeast Atlantic Ocean. Which means it was a craft from space or a Spirit Airlines flight from Austin to Dallas.
Next month, national security officials will deliver UFO reports to Congress. But if you can’t wait, just look beneath Rudy Giuliani’s seat on the subway. “I have the alien documents here!...Oh crap, this is Sudoku.”
In case there are aliens, it’s important to differentiate. For starters, you’ve got the Grays…
Then there are the Reptilians…
And finally, the Giants:
As this aired on “60 Minutes,” the ending felt like it was missing someone. But I bet somewhere, he was like,
“Why do they call it a space-SHIP when it’s up in the sky??”
“Why do they say take me to your leader? I know if I just traveled a billion lightyears, I’d have the LEADER brought to ME!”
“Why’s everyone mad about anal probes? At least Xarblots didn’t charge a co-pay!”
“Why do they land in our cornfields? If they want feral birds and scarecrows working security, they should just land at LaGuardia.”
Love ya,
Jon