Right now, we’re dealing with hurricane, a COVID spike and a mess in Afghanistan. Things are so bad, if you say “Candyman” four times, he says, “Knock it off! I don’t wanna come out there!!”
Republicans ripped Biden’s withdrawal from Afghanistan after it killed Americans. Then they kept screaming in the face of the flight attendant who asked them to wear a mask.
98 countries said they trust the Taliban to ensure “safe and orderly” travel out of Afghanistan. Then they said they trust Putin to watch their laptop while they use the bathroom at Starbucks.
President Biden was criticized after the withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan led to the Taliban regaining control of Kabul. He only made things worse when he said, “Okay – some malarkey.”
In retaliation for attacks in Kabul, the U.S. conducted a deadly airstrike on an ISIS-K planner. When asked what we dropped on them, Biden said, “Florida.”
On CNN, Mitt Romney blamed both Trump and Biden for the failed withdrawal from Afghanistan. Then George W. Bush hung up a big “Responsibility Avoided” banner.
Donald Trump Jr. was critical of Biden pulling out of Afghanistan, saying his dad would’ve done a better job. Proof Trump doesn’t know how to pull out: Donald Trump Jr.
Yep, Don Jr. called Biden’s emotional statement on the withdrawal “what weakness looks like.” Which are big words coming from a Brawny toilet paper guy cosplayer.
CVS has plans to offer in-person therapy sessions at their stores. The way it works is, you try to use a coupon at a self-checkout machine, then they send you to a therapist.
Yep, CVS wants to hire psychologists for its stores. Which sounds good, until they give you a two-foot receipt of all your repressed traumas.
Kanye West just dropped his new album “Donda,” which features Roddy Ricch, The Weeknd, Travis Scott, Young Thug, and Lil Baby – and some people who aren’t running for Governor of California.
Rolling Stones drummer, the great Charlie Watts passed away at 80. His shocking last words: “I may have PLAYED the drums – but John Stamos MASTERED them.”
The Baltimore Orioles narrowly snapped a 19-game losing streak. Of course their manager still faced a lot of questions, like, “How’d you guys get into the Little League World Series?”
Lastly, a photo went viral of Pope Francis playing with a foosball table he got as a gift:
People are already calling him Joey’s wackiest roommate yet. “Could I BE any holier??”